When you’re in the middle of it…and you believed it was just the beginning!
15 May 2013
Being the lady I am, even though I do swear upon righteous occasions, I currently find myself in the middle of the mother of all of my previous lessons, and the devastating pain feels to me like I’m just beginning this unimaginable journey. I truly did not see this one evolve right in front of my eyes.
I thought I had been through the worst emotional pain when I was date raped, and a couple of supposed friends didn’t believe me. Or, later on, when my father lay dying in the driveway with his final heart attack, and his third wife saw him there, but called the executor of his will instead of calling 911. Yes, cruelty exists.
Our last Sunday Service was about illusions, so we can consider this part two. Part two will be more personal, as you have already seen with the revealing of the date rate, and the circumstances that hastened my father's final moments on earth.
First know this about me, because I am not bemoaning these events. I simply point to them as milestones in my life - opportunities for me to see life as it is, in the hearts of others, and move through the emotional healing needed for me to become whole again. You, too, have had your own versions of lessons that caught you by surprise. We are not alone in this. In fact, we are never alone, spiritually speaking.
I am determined to fight my natural tendency to give in to the pain, and fall back into those old patters of behaviour that I've moved out of over years. I have compassinately disciplined and retrained my conscious mind to realize that my mind, body and spirit can now know me as god-in-action; loving, kind, forgiving, and giving of itself to myself. And, also to those whom I am blessed to have interactions with. Yes, even with those people whose lessons bring change into my life which cause the kind of emotional pain I'm feeling as I move through writing this Sunday Service. For any new people reading this, I write a bi-monthly service on the 1st and 15th of each month, as an on-line church service; hence the nickname Sunday Service.
You see, I know myself better now than ever before because I’ve been walking my path steadily for over twenty years; clearing my consciousness intentionally, joyfully, even when it meant knowingly calling changes into my life that would be uncomfortable, and painful in some cases. My devotion to my divinity began when I had one of my first astrology charts done, and I saw the cluster in the esoteric “devotional houses”. I was told that this life would likely be about my spirituality.
Today’s Sunday Service is going to be about techniques we can utilize when we are in the crisis of an especially devastating period of our life. Although there is always an element of fear in this type of lesson; today I will not be addressing that, as I have spent many Services over the past three years discussing very good tools that you can use to move through, and overcome the seed thoughts that feed your fear.
Instead, we’re going to look at the elements of emotional healing, feeling safe when you’re knocked down and the wind has gone out of your lungs, how to discuss your feelings with your friends without making them uncomfortable, and other tips like that. I'll also share with you how anyone who's feeling like they no longer know themselves as well as they thought they did, can quickly add to their existing identity while creating a new life for themselves.
May I reintroduce myself to you? I am Cassandra, a woman who is an author, a minister, and a friend to people whose value I admire and hope to be like, if I am not, already. I do not use the word friend lightly. I am friendly with thousands, but a friend to a much smaller group. And, I may truly love, or have sincerely loved, only a couple of dozen people in my life. What about you?
Now let's get on with our on-line metaphysical church service.
When you are in crisis, make an appointment with a professional if you have the means to do so. I do not recommend your religious advisor. Why? We are mostly capable of addressing matters of faith. In matters of your psyche, and how you should start putting yourself back together after an emotional shock, a professional is better able to assist you.
I have an appointment with a therapist lined up because I need to ease out of the shock I know I am in right now. Did you know that it never matters how one comes to believe something, it only matters that we have a set of beliefs which we have been assured are true, and that we can trust them. So, when that is proven wrong, to the degree that our emotional safety is directly involved, that is the degree to which we enter a stage of shock to our emotional system. Of course, if it is a horrific shock, it can also affect our whole system. I am not addressing the kind of shock that comes with war, or violence to the physical.
For a time we will all need to feel the pain as it is: sharp, nauseating, and numbing to our core. This is the beginning of our grieving. If we try to bottle up our true feelings we will do more damage to our emotions, and our psyches.
I probably won’t need more than a few sessions; I just need to develop an emotional game plan to stop the free fall I’m in. So, I need someone to listen to my story. You will, too. You need to tell your story to one person, who is safe and will not ever tell it to another. This is why I recommend a professional. I am going to use profanity when I tell her my story (I’ve already booked my appointment). I am going to blame the other people involved because it will make me feel better, even though I already know it isn’t true.
Not really, but if you need to blame them, you go right ahead, because you will sort out your part, and their part and come to terms with it, in your own perfect time. And, when I’m done, and have used up all of my psychologist’s kleenexes, I will be ready to get real. Until I’m done, if I want to be angry as hell, because that is part of healing the grief that I am feeling right now and why I am still in free fall, and shock, I WILL.
Now, I have to say that the woman I’m describing doesn’t sound like me at all; but maybe it should have been, and I missed an opportunity to live life more passionately. I’ll find out soon enough how many multiple Cassandras, and how many different titles I can hold on to at the same time frame of my life, without slipping over the edge. But my prayer is that when all is said and done, there will only be one me, left standing alone; happy again and looking forward to each new day I have left in this beautiful life I am creating.
When people begin to separate the chords that tie them to their relationships, be they friendships, professional partnerships that fail, siblings who begin to hate each other, marriages, civil unions, or common-law marriages; the chords that bind are the chords that must be cut. However, the ways they are cut are critical to the healing process of everyone involved.
There is a metaphysical or shamanic process, which is also used by some therapists, that I like very much. The process is called recapitulation, and it applies to energy-work.
Dr. Susan Gregg (www.susangregg.com) tells her patients that “recapitulation allows you to release the emotional components so you can ‘see’ an issue more clearly and make different choices in your life. Once the emotional charge is removed we ‘see’ so many other choices.”
She uses an inward, and outward breathing technique to move your emotional energy through the healing process, in order for you to reclaim the energy “the other” took away from you; thus re-empowering yourself, and allowing you to give them back the energy they left within you, psychologically, when they violated you: in fact, or from your wounded point of view.
An article by nitshad (say: nightshade, I think) on the website, Shamans Cave, (www.shamanscave.com), has a lovely paragraph on the theory of recapitulation which I have found to be accurate.
“Every interaction you have had with other people in your life has tied up personal energy. Each memory you have requires energy to keep it alive and maintain the emotions you have about the encounter. Over the course of a lifetime, you invest enormous amounts of energy in these things and they drain you, make you miserable and create behavior in the present predicated on the energies of the past.”
Nitshad’s practice of recapitulation is different than the one I learned so, please go to the website if you gravitate toward shamanic work.
I read a book, given to me by a dear friend in the 1970s, which sadly, I have since lost so I am unable to tell you the author’s name or its title. It is very likely out of print by now, but it was an excellent book. I used the recapitulation technique offered by the author to clear my sexual chakra, and genitalia of the misspent energy of the 1980s, and of the date rape, I referred to earlier.
It was a simple technique utilizing your imagination, and chords of light which originated in from your third eye, traveled through your heart, went through your sexual chakra, and genitalia, and split into as many chords as were needed to travel through space and time back to all of the sexual partners whom you had ever had inappropriate sexual relationships with.
Inappropriate sexual relationships were defined as sexual partners whose intentions toward you, or your’s toward them, were not loving or respectful. The idea she was making, was for the reader to understand that the energy collected at both ends of these psychic chords would collect your energy from those partner’s and return it to you; and in exchange take the energy from you back to those partner’s their own appropriate energy that belonged to them; clearing your own body of unwanted energy, reinstating perfect energetic balance.
May I please emphasize here that it has been about thirty years, and I may have not remembered this technique accurately, or have confused several works, together, etc. It might even be partly mine, and I've long since forgotten; but the original work that I did had some of these elements, I am sure, mostly. So is life, and the aging process.
If you are not aware that energy can do amazing things, which is one of the basic tenants of metaphysics, then perhaps I should have started at the beginning, however, my divine self was urging me to start backward for some unknown reason to me, and so, as is my custom, I followed the direction my inner wisdom told me to start with. In other words, I did exactly what the title of this Sunday Service says: I started in the middle of the Service, even though I am actually at the beginning, myself.
Our last Service was about illusions. This one is about finding yourself in the middle of a very painful lesson that you didn’t see coming. You’re seeing the theme, I know. And, you’re already figured out that this is my story only I’m changing it into more of a metaphor because couples around the world experience this type of lesson, so I am acting as our collective minister. Healer, heal thyself. We can all do this for ourselves, once we move out of the initial shock. So, let’s get started.
Let’s not ruin our personal relationships with our friends. Are you with me on this? Ask your friends to help you find a new apartment, when you need to move out. It’s even better if they volunteer, which one of mine did. I called her back yesterday to ask, when? Call another friend and ask them for a few minutes of their time, so that they can help you move into a state of grace. You need a good laugh, and the two of you used to laugh at the stupidest things!
Call the people who have said something nice to you over the past year and thank them for that. Offer to take them out for coffee, but please, please, please refrain from the urge to dump your sorrows on them. BE WITH HAPPY PEOPLE BECAUSE YOU ARE SAD, AND HAPPY PEOPLE WILL MAKE YOU FEEL BETTER...
I’m going to join a famous group of women my age who are known as the Red Hat Ladies; because they are fun, fun, fun! If, they’ll have me!
And, don’t forget about your church family. In the case of this blog, the 801 people who checked God-In-Action out last month-- may be back again -- this month. If they don’t, I am still sending them loving good will, with hopes that they find their perfect on-line church family. But, what I don't want to happen is to turn them off this month because the minister of this site is having a tough emotionl time.
I am not dying. I am living through an opportunity to live a different way, and my husband and I are talking through why he wasn't able to tell me the truth about how he has been feeling about our relationship. And, yes, he knows that he is the subject of this blog service. Just as he knew he was in the one on about illusions. If you are married to a writer, she'll usually tell you up front, "anything you say or do in our lifetime will eventually end up on paper, are you okay with that?"
Let me share the great news from the my husband's side of the chalkboard: he has an appointment with a therapist so that he can work through his emotional, mental, and psychic pain of a life's standing. He just credited his wife with saving his life on three occasions, and she desperately needed to hear that her presence in his life had counted for something, because his in hers meant she survived the diagnosis of bi-polar disease.
They have both known from the beginning that theirs was a karmic relationship of thousands of years; and they now both hope that their karma has lovingly been laid to rest so that they can move on to other tasks that need healing in their lives.
We are not alone when we are at our best, nor at our worst moment of the day or night. We are simply experiencing a moment in time that calls upon us to love ourselves; sometimes more than we love our partners, because the time has come for us to move on. Period.
Remember that if everyone who is feeling exactly the way that you are feeling, this very second in time, could reach out to you and say, “You are not alone”, and you could actually hear their voices; you would immediately be lifted up and feel better.
The truth is that they are there with you, feeling the exact thing that you are. You are not alone. Take comfort in that. I am. Right now. In this very second. Thank you for being there with me. We are not alone.
We are sending each other loving good will, knowing that our highest good is in being comforted.
